So this post is going to go a little differently than the previous ones. It is about relationships and life. Those two things have been very connected to health and wellness in my life. I have fallen into the trap of looking for someone to validate myself more than once. Living in this super fun point of life called “mid twenties” means lots of friends hitting lots of major life milestones. Now don’t mistake me for someone who is bitter and angry. I love my friends to pieces and I am truly and incredibly happy for them. However, I have fallen into that “When is it my turn?” trap wayyyyyyy too many times. You wanna know where that trap leads??? Settling. Settling for guys who I never should have even let into my life. It also leads to emotional eating which never ends well. Too much ice cream and pasta.

I was raised in a somewhat different household. Independence and autonomy were always encouraged. My parents raised me to be strong as hell. Self-defense classes, academics, sports, and jobs were all areas in which I was encouraged to do my best and determine my own path. I’ve been able to knock a 250LB cop on his ass in self defense scenarios since I was 12. I also come from a line of incredibly strong and independent women who take shit from no one and never hesitate to stand up when necessary.

Despite all of this I would still find myself looking for validation in guys. I mean…Why?! When I remember the things that went through my head I am astounded at how ridiculous it sounds to me now. “Maybe if I looked like *her* more guys would be interested in me.” “I wonder if I would get more attention if I could pull off a crop top.” “I feel like he’s losing interest. Maybe if I change *insert physical quality here* things will be better.” Like seriously?!?!?! What happened to that insanely independent girl who went on a trip to Mexico without her parents in sophomore year of high school? What happened to the girl who never hesitated to take down that guy in practice pads? How had I lost her?

I realized that every time in the past that I have tried to make changes or better myself it has been for someone else. More often than not it has been for a guy. EW. NO. WRONG. INCORRECT MAAM. One day I had a very serious talk with myself. I mean it was in my head…I’m not totally insane yet, but still. Maybe it was time to listen to the people in my life who have been throwing clichés at me for the past few years. “When it is right it will happen.” “Your time will come, don’t rush it.” “You need to love yourself first.”

Turns out maybe clichés should be listened to more often. I made the decision a few weeks ago to say f*ck it. I deleted all my dating apps. I stopped trying to make something happen. I mean honestly…never had much luck to begin with. Mostly lots of ghosting, attempts at talking me into a late night hook up, and even one guy who sucked enough to stand me up. I have felt so much more peace in these last few weeks. I am done trying to impress someone and change so they want to be in my life. My life is pretty freaking fantastic. For once in my life I am doing this for me and me alone. I think that is why I am actually succeeding this time. It makes all the difference in the world. I am getting healthier and along the way and I am getting happier and more confident too.

I have a career that I love (most days…they are middle schoolers after all). I have the most amazing family and friends on the planet who have been super supportive throughout this whole process. I own my car. I own a home. I have a freaking awesome doggo. (Special shout out to Abs for these reminders when I needed them most.) Lately I’ve been jamming out to this playlist on Spotify called confidence boost and honestly it rocks. Its filled with songs from women who are strong and want to encourage the rest of us to be the same. I’ve put three of my favorites in this post. I bought myself a ring to remind me that I am already enough. Honestly…who needs a man to come in and mess up all of this awesomeness. I refuse to change. Sorry boo…you’re gonna have to find a way to fit into this life that I have built because I am damn proud of it.

I just want anyone out there who is facing this same struggle to know that they are not alone. Being single in your mid to late 20’s can feel kind of like you are falling behind some imaginary timeline. You’re not. Please do not settle for someone who doesn’t deserve to be in your life or fall for the first person to pay you attention. I have made that mistake. I won’t say I regret these things necessarily because they taught me about myself. However, its also not a totally necessary life experience.

I am a damn queen and you know what…so are you (or king). No matter what that little doubter voice in the back of your head says. Rule the kingdom of your life your way and only let the person who truly appreciates your supreme awesomeness into it.