Category: Self Evaluation

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On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

Admitting mistakes is not something that anyone ever really wants to do. Yet here I am. I am admitting in front of, well everyone who reads this, that I made a mistake. Last year I made some incredible strides in my personal health journey. I was on a roll. Then my knee got hurt again, a pandemic hit and shut the world down, I went back to school for my doctorate degree, and a million other things happened. I let myself fall back into old habits. I made excuses. I made bad choices. I allowed myself to live in a fantasy world where I had fixed everything. I got complacent.

Slowly I fell back into old habits. I ordered food I didn’t need. I bought junk because my life felt upside down and I decided to cope in a not so good way. Eventually I stopped prepping my meals. I spent too much time watching Netflix and definitely too much time in pajama pants. Suddenly my jeans were a little tight and I was way off track.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about me bashing myself. I did have some legitimate limitations. When my knee got hurt again I was told that I had limit the activities that I was allowed to do. Then after I had knee surgery I wasn’t allowed to do much at all for over a month. All together this knee had me limited for about 6 months. Now I am trying to rebuild strength and get back to where I used to be. This has been a challenge considering I had a torn meniscus repaired, some fraying cartilage shaved off, and they drilled holes in my knee to create scar tissue.

I originally started this blog to share my journey and it has also been neglected. Recently I decided that it is time to get my life back together. If you are still reading you can consider this my restart. I decided that I needed to get my life back on track. I could choose to wallow in the fact that I let myself fall back to this place. Instead I am deciding to learn from my decisions and start again. There is no need to continue to beat myself up about it. All that would do is work against me because I would stay in a negative headspace.

This is not one of those new year, new me posts. I don’t want to be a different person I just want to get myself back on track. So this is not a manifesto of coming change. Instead it is a statement of intention. I may be an over worked, over tired, and over scheduled chick but I am intent on adding the word healthy to that list. I am going to refocus on this part of my life for me and for the people I love. We all have enough to worry about right now. I don’t want my health to be another concern for them. I have a great support system in my corner that can help me stay motivated and keep my accountable. I know that I can reach my goals. They are lofty and I am working towards more than one but multitasking is something I can mange.

Seize Every Moment

On By MCIn Mental health, motivation, Self Evaluation, Squad, SupportLeave a comment

So sometimes things just come along and you aren’t really sure what they are supposed to teach you. A moment or an event that makes you say ask why. Why did it happen? Why would someone do that? Why would someone say that? Your head gets filled with questions and emotions; anger, sadness, guilt. I had one of those events last week. My mom got hit by a car while she and I were walking and the driver just kept going. They loaded my mom into an ambulance and I wasn’t even allowed to go with her because of the craziness that is happening around us. I can honestly tell you I have never been more scared in my life.

I got lucky. My mom is bruised and has a broken bone but I still have her with me. Waiting to hear from her when she was in hospital was honestly the longest and worst wait ever. My mom is my best friend, my biggest supporter, my helper, and so many more things. To me my mom has always seemed invincible. I have watched her kick ass in a male dominated field. I have watched her conquer fears and scary situations. I have watched her do whatever it takes to save other people. I have watched her adopt and care for so may of my friends. I have watched her literally give her all to someone in need. To me she can do literally anything.  Having to deal with this has been a new type of challenge for me. (PS she is probably going to kill me for this post).

I spent the first couple of days asking myself those questions over and over again. How could happen? Why would someone do that? Why couldn’t I stop it? I felt anger and guilt and fear. Like all my other life changing moments, my mom helped me change my mindset. She has been so amazingly strong and positive throughout this whole ordeal. The first thing she asked when she called me from the hospital was if I was okay. Here I am perfectly fine while she’s in the ER and that was her first question. She even apologized for scaring me. She gets hurt and she’s apologizing to me. That is just the kind of amazing person that she is. Here we are 5 days later and the only complaint she has is that she can’t do more. She has taken this amazingly scary and horrible situation and retained an amazing spirit and attitude.

I’ve honestly learned so much in the past 5 days. I feel like I am recommitting myself to the journey. All this uncertainty lately has made it hard to stay committed to the journey that I was on. My mom’s attitude has provided a new type of motivation for me. I have this one life and I need to make the most of it and that means being 100% all the time in this. Life is short. You never get to redo the day you are living and it is important to live it the best way possible.

Today I am incredibly grateful that I get to sit in the living room and annoy my mom. I am grateful that I get to laugh with her and share stupid videos and photos. I am grateful that I have her here to nag me and annoy me. I am grateful that I get to keep sharing incredible days with her and make more memories.  I am going to start acting like her and adopting her mentality. Its never good enough until you absolutely can’t do anything more.

Who do you choose?

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, Mental health, motivation, Personal Worth, Self EvaluationLeave a comment

Have you ever had one of those days when you aren’t super busy so you just get to sit down and think about life….yeah me either. My day started insane. Ever taken a bunch of middle school boys to a conference and tried to make them focus…herding cats doesn’t even begin to describe it. Don’t get me wrong they were all pretty well behaved and I think they actually got something out of it…well I mean except for the one kid who got to a have a one on one session with some of the mentors who were there since he couldn’t handle being in a group. I mean I will take my wins where I can get them.

This is all beside the point. When I got home I laid down on the couch to recover and started thinking about something one of the speakers said during the conference today. He said people care more about how you walk it than how you talk it. It kind of hit home because he was discussing the way the kids look to us for guidance and example. I can tell my kids something until I am blue in the face but until they see me walk in it they are just going to hear another teacher lecturing them. Now mind you I am typing all of this with a glass of wine next to the computer which may be fueling some of the total honesty but anyway….

One thing that I have been trying to talk to a couple of my kids about is choosing their future and their goals over what others want for them. I mean they have some many people who want them to do something for some reason. One of the boys in my class is a great example…lets call him “Johnny”. Johnny is a great kid. He is respectful, cares about his grades, and have great leadership potential. Most of the time I love to have him in class. I can see how much he wants to succeed in his goals. Then I noticed that his whole personality changes when he is around a couple of other kids. These kids are not like Johnny. They get disrespectful a lot, are failing more than one class, and kind of make me cringe when I can tell they are in THAT mood. One day I asked him what his goal is. He told me that he wants to play basketball in college and then maybe play in the NBA. Then he shocked the hell out of me when he said if that didn’t work he wanted to become a lawyer. At this age most of my kids have NBA and NFL dreams and see no reason to have a back up plan no matter how many times we tell them they need one.

I’m getting sidetracked again…The other day I pulled Johnny aside and had a conversation with him. I told him that I had noticed how his behavior changed around those two other kids and that it concerned me. I told him that he needed to choose himself and his goals over being “cool” or doing what his friends wanted him to do. He told me he understood but it was one of those conversations that I knew was going in one ear and out the other. After all being cool is pretty important to kids and they want to fit in. They want to do what everyone else is doing and that has gotten even worse with all the social media.

Today I realized that maybe I have more in common with Johnny than I thought. Maybe my argument would be more convincing if I was walking it too. I mean I fall into some of the same traps that Johnny fell into. I want to do what everyone else was doing more than once in my life and it has led me to putting my own goals aside in favor of what was “cool”. For example:

  • Having another drink when I know I shouldn’t spend the money or the calories and I kind of hate feeling drunk but I’m out with friends and they want to keep going
  • Grabbing some junk food because we are having a girls night and that is what we are supposed to do even though that isn’t going to help me lose weight
  • Putting all my time and energy into finding that perfect relationship because all my friends seem to be finding one when I know that I have other goals I want to accomplish
  • Focusing on the negative because everyone else wants to bitch when I know that there are plenty of positives we could be talking about.
  • Not pushing for an idea that I think would be great because I am afraid that it will make people mad

I was trying to find happiness and fulfillment in the things that took it from me to begin with. Not exactly my best logic. How can I tell Johnny to focus on his own goals and forget what everyone else in his life is pushing on him when I can’t do the same thing for myself? How can I make a convincing argument when I don’t have the actions to back it up?

Well today that ends. Today I walk it. I have goals to accomplish and it is time that I put all of my focus into that. I have more weight to lose. I need to get better about keeping my house clean. I have a doctoral program to finish applying for. I have a second triathalon to train for as of about twenty minutes ago.

Its time for me to lead by example. I’m gonna end up having that same conversation with Johnny again soon and this time I will be able to give him examples because…

I CHOOSE ME. Not just any me either, I choose the me that I want to be and I will be her because I’m not letting anything else get in my way anymore.

Girl, Check Yourself!

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

You ever have one of those days where it seems like everything is making you take a hard look at what you’ve been doing lately? Welcome to my Tuesday. This post is one of those hard an ugly truths that we have to acknowledge every once in awhile.

I’ve slipped.

Scratch that…I’ve gone down the slip n’ slide we made at the lifeguard party when I was 15 that dumped us into the deep end of the pool. Instead of swimming back to the ladder I’ve just been treading water and spinning in circles without actually moving.

I finished a freaking triathalon y’all! However, I also went back to work full time and straight off track. The insanity and exhaustion of the beginning of a new school year made me lose focus. I lost focus in my meal prep, my exercise, and just my responsibilities in general. Today I had to come to terms with the fact that I just haven’t been trying as hard as I could be.

Going back to work is insane and stressful in so many ways. I have 120 new babies whose names and quirks I need to learn pretty fast, I now have lesson plans and endless meetings to take care of, and I have an after school program to run. Most days by the time I get home all I want is to curl up on the couch. A lot of days teaching makes me want three shots of espresso (or bourbon). Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but it take a lot out of me every day. Recently I read an article that said teachers make more minute by minute decisions than anyone else and I totally believe it.

The problem is that I started falling into the same trap I fell into last year. I put way more focus on my work and my students than I did on myself. I let myself say that I am super tired and I will take care of it later. The time has come for me to tell myself to suck it up. It doesn’t matter how tired I am. I have to stay committed to this journey that I am on. I was so unbelievably proud of myself for my triathlon and my initial weight loss. This is not the time to stop. If anything this is the time to step it up. Time to work out harder, eat way better, and take care of me. The more I succeed on this journey the better I become. That means a better me for my students and myself. I can’t rely on other people to tell me that I need to keep it together. I have plenty of people in my corner that will do that for me but I need to do it for myself.

Like they say in Knight’s Tale “You’ve have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” It is time that I check myself and get it together. After all I can’t really tell my kids to get their lives together in class if I am not willing to do the same thing.