So I know I normally focus on my personal journey but today I want to talk about my job. There has been a lot of talk in the recent days about teachers and our role in the world. A million and one different people have tweeted their support of teachers since they have started trying to homeschool their children.  Now don’t get me wrong I totally appreciate the love. It is nice to see people recognizing how tough it can be to teach and get kids to focus.  However, I have no expectations that people will remember this when we go back to school. Mostly because I don’t think they fully understand just how much this job entails or how important these kids are to us.

Anyway that’s not what I really wanted to talk about. What I want to talk about is the unseen effect that all of this is having on teachers. I know there are a lot of clichés about teachers and our students being our kids. Most clichés are built around some truth though. I mean there are plenty of teachers who have no business working with children. I’ve met some of them. They are bitter, old fashioned, and sometimes just plain mean. The majority of us are not like that. We care about these kids with our whole hearts. They take a permanent residence in our lives. I see my job as shaping the future. These kids are our future and I want to make sure their lives are better because I was their teacher. I want them to see their abilities and their potential. I always tell my students that I am more concerned with them becoming a better human being while they are with me than I am with them remembering all the history facts I teach them. I want them to know why history is important. I want them to know how to interact, how to get their news from something other than instagram, how to argue, and how to care about the world around them.

The kids I work with on a daily basis truly have become my kids. Hell, some of them call me mom. I go to basketball games, football games, and dance recitals. I check in on them as they get older and move onto higher grades. They still get on my nerves sometimes. Well actually some of them get on my nerves a lot of the time and I don’t always handle it in a way that makes me proud. At the end of the day, all that matters is that they are my kids and I care about them. Being apart from them unexpectedly and for an unknown amount of time is a lot harder on me than anticipated. I’m sure you’ve seen all of the posts during winter break and spring break or even summer break in which teacher’s celebrate. Honestly sometimes we need that break. The difference is that we can emotionally prepare ourselves and our students for the separation when we have a break. Even then we still worry.

Right now I am trying to teach my students through a computer. Some of my kiddos don’t even have internet at home. If you want the truth, I am worried. I am worried if they are getting enough to eat. I am worried if they are reading so they don’t fall even more behind. I am worried that there is no one there to help them if they don’t understand this online work. I am worried that they might end up running the streets without the after school program to occupy their time. I am worried that they aren’t hearing anything positive around them. I am worried that someone is hurting them. I am worried that they aren’t getting any love or support.

Today I was able to video chat with some of my students. It was nice to see their faces and hear their voices. I like being able to see that they are doing okay. However, I am still worried about the ones who weren’t in the video chat; probably even more than I was previously. I knew I missed them but it didn’t hit me how much I missed them until I saw them on that video screen.

The point of all of this is to say…please don’t make light of how we feel or insinuate that we are happily on some sort of break. My phone isn’t glued to my face so I can check instagram; its there because I am answering emails as soon as I get them so my kids know that I am still there.  I love my kids and I honestly wish I was back at work right now.