Category: Squad

Seize Every Moment

On By MCIn Mental health, motivation, Self Evaluation, Squad, SupportLeave a comment

So sometimes things just come along and you aren’t really sure what they are supposed to teach you. A moment or an event that makes you say ask why. Why did it happen? Why would someone do that? Why would someone say that? Your head gets filled with questions and emotions; anger, sadness, guilt. I had one of those events last week. My mom got hit by a car while she and I were walking and the driver just kept going. They loaded my mom into an ambulance and I wasn’t even allowed to go with her because of the craziness that is happening around us. I can honestly tell you I have never been more scared in my life.

I got lucky. My mom is bruised and has a broken bone but I still have her with me. Waiting to hear from her when she was in hospital was honestly the longest and worst wait ever. My mom is my best friend, my biggest supporter, my helper, and so many more things. To me my mom has always seemed invincible. I have watched her kick ass in a male dominated field. I have watched her conquer fears and scary situations. I have watched her do whatever it takes to save other people. I have watched her adopt and care for so may of my friends. I have watched her literally give her all to someone in need. To me she can do literally anything.  Having to deal with this has been a new type of challenge for me. (PS she is probably going to kill me for this post).

I spent the first couple of days asking myself those questions over and over again. How could happen? Why would someone do that? Why couldn’t I stop it? I felt anger and guilt and fear. Like all my other life changing moments, my mom helped me change my mindset. She has been so amazingly strong and positive throughout this whole ordeal. The first thing she asked when she called me from the hospital was if I was okay. Here I am perfectly fine while she’s in the ER and that was her first question. She even apologized for scaring me. She gets hurt and she’s apologizing to me. That is just the kind of amazing person that she is. Here we are 5 days later and the only complaint she has is that she can’t do more. She has taken this amazingly scary and horrible situation and retained an amazing spirit and attitude.

I’ve honestly learned so much in the past 5 days. I feel like I am recommitting myself to the journey. All this uncertainty lately has made it hard to stay committed to the journey that I was on. My mom’s attitude has provided a new type of motivation for me. I have this one life and I need to make the most of it and that means being 100% all the time in this. Life is short. You never get to redo the day you are living and it is important to live it the best way possible.

Today I am incredibly grateful that I get to sit in the living room and annoy my mom. I am grateful that I get to laugh with her and share stupid videos and photos. I am grateful that I have her here to nag me and annoy me. I am grateful that I get to keep sharing incredible days with her and make more memories.  I am going to start acting like her and adopting her mentality. Its never good enough until you absolutely can’t do anything more.

Do you Boo Boo

On By MCIn confidence, Fitness, Image, Mental health, motivation, Personal Worth, Squad, SupportLeave a comment

This time last year I was making excuses for bad decisions and hating myself. I was listening to a lot of different voices. They were all bouncing around in my head and competing to be the loudest. The biggest problem is that none of these voices were mine. These were voices of other people from the past and the present. Voices that had either intentionally or unintentionally broken me down to a person who didn’t see the possibility to be or do anything different. Words that made me doubt myself.

These words were not spoken by people who should have had any power over my mind or my thoughts. They were words spoken by ex boyfriends, mean girls, dates that stood me up or ghosted me, strangers, frenemies, and even random things on social media. Some of these words were mean spirited, (“You should be happy you have me. It’s not like anyone else would want you.”) some of them were intended to be helpful (“Hey girl so my friend just tried this new diet..”), and some were just oblivious to how loud they were (“At least you have more choices than that other girl since you’re smaller”).

Now don’t get me wrong, these words were all pretty terrible and people definitely need to be nicer especially the ex who spoke the intentionally mean words. However, I’ve learned something else throughout this new journey that I have been on. It is my job to silence these words. I don’t think I would have been able to do that back then. The girl I was back then wasn’t strong enough to silence those words. That girl was timid and found her identity in acceptance and words of affirmation from other people. Fitting in was the ultimate sign of acceptance for that girl. I was so worried about getting people to like me that I didn’t pay attention to how they really treated me. I lost myself. I was a different person depending on who I was with.

I am not that girl anymore. I have been through some shit. I have cried, screamed, gone numb, hidden from the world, and isolated myself from the people who truly love me. None of those things were good or fun but I like the girl who came out of that fire. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a work in progress. The difference is that now I define what kind of progress needs to be made. There aren’t voices fighting to be the loudest in my head. Now the only voice that matters is my own. It takes advice from the important people; my family, my real friends, my coaches but it is now the loudest one in the room. I started this journey 10 months ago. Since then I have learned so much about myself. There are still plenty of people who feel like I need to hear their opinion about what I am doing or how I could be doing it better. Now I pretend to listen to them and then go on with my life. I care about what my coaches say because lets be honest I trust them to help make me better and I know they truly care about my progress. I care about what the people who truly love me say because they know me best and they have been so supportive of me as I have been working to find myself.

The hardest part of all of this has been learning to love the person that I am. I spent a lot time pretending to love myself and even more time tearing myself down. It is like that new Demi Lovato song “I Love Me”. She talks about how it is easy to tear yourself down and build other people up at the same time. I am having to learn how to love me. Its been a long process but I like how it is going. I was having a conversation with my BFF last night and it was nice to talk about how far I have come. Now I know who I want to be and what I am worth. I have learned to say no to things that I don’t need in my life. I have learned to turn away people who don’t deserve to be in my life. I am the only one who can really choose my path and my direction. Its time for me to do me. My advice…you do you boo. Because only you know what is best for you.

New Year. Same Me

On By MCIn confidence, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, Mental health, motivation, Personal Worth, Squad, Support1 Comment

Well its New Year’s Eve. You know what that means…all the resolutions. Everyone is dedicated to changing something about themselves starting tomorrow. The statuses and instagram posts will flood the newsfeeds today and tomorrow. Everyone feels the pressure to publicly declare what they are going to do differently this year. The reality is most of these will be forgotten by the time the clock strikes 12. Don’t get me wrong. I am not shaming anyone. If you truly have goals more power to you. I believe in you. Get ‘er done.

However, people shouldn’t feel the pressure to change anything about their journey if they are happy with how it is going. That is where I am at today. My only resolution is to change nothing about how my story is being written right now. See the girl in the two photos above this paragraph? She was unhappy. She was unhealthy. Her anxiety ruled her world. She constantly questioned her self worth. She compared herself to everyone around her. She made one of those silly resolutions last year. Then she took these photos is February and April. A day out with her best friend for Valentine’s Day when they accidentally matched and a Bridal Shower for another best friend. These photos should evoke feelings of joy and great memories. The truth is…they don’t. They are reminders of when this girl felt broken and inadequate.

That photo in April sparked something though. A real change. A new commitment. That May I made a real change. I made a true commitment to myself. It started with a panic attack at work, something that had never happened to me in my life. I never let my students see me as anything but strong. They need me and I never want them to see me like that. There were tears and anger and a trip to my doctor. She decided it was time to change my medication and asked to me schedule an emergency visit with my therapist. A while ago this sentence would have embarrassed me but now I know that it is what I needed to be healthy. After that visit and some tears shed on my mom’s shoulder I took a friends recommendation. (Thanks Momma Dee) I walked into the doors of Coastal Strength and Fitness.

I walked into those doors terrified. Here I am….completely out of shape and this gym looks like super legit. I sit down with a guy named Gary and he tells me about the gym and its philosophies. Immediately at ease I even stay for a workout that day. Here comes Tara with her bubbly personality and immediate friendship. Throughout the next week I would meet all of my new coaches; Diego who always asks how everything is going, Will who tries to kill us every class but adds some great humor to make it better, Kristen who never fails to remember the small details and ask about them, and Ben who always a ball of bouncing sunshine. These coaches would become an amazing support for me. I can’t forget the people in class with me…Tara who is always happy to see everyone, Melissa who makes it impossible to slack off, Kyle and his much needed comic relief, Momma Dee who always says how great I’m doing.

I fell in love with Coastal to the point that I convinced my family to join the party. Now we are a package deal and if any of us show up alone or one of us is missing everyone wants to know why. This is the gym that supported me and cheered me on as a trained for my first triathlon. With the help of these people and my awesome training partner (hey Matt) I did it. They all celebrated with me.

In these past 8 months I have made some huge changes in my life. My diet has changed, 5am alarms are now normal, and I feel stronger than ever. My squad has been an amazing support system for me. My family is there every step of the way. My mom is my ultimate support. My friends are always pushing me to keep going and reminding me that I am doing the work.

I say all of this to tell you why there will be no New Year New Me. This year I am going to be the same me. I started this journey and its actually going pretty well. See the girl above this paragraph? She’s happy. She’s strong. She knows what she can accomplish. She is ready to take on the world. She is still insecure and she still has doubts but she is human. Now she knows her worth and she knows that she is a total badass.

There might still be some people who doubt her but she doesn’t care. She is out to prove to everyone that she is gonna do the damn thing.

So there it is…my New Year’s resolution is to not change a F*ing thing. Haters be damned. I am going to stay the same sarcastic, southern, dog obsessed, overly loving lunatic everyone already knows.

Climb your mountain

On By MCIn confidence, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Personal Worth, Squad, Support1 Comment

So this weekend I did a thing…I climbed a mountain…kind of. I went with my gym to go hike Old Rag Mountain. I knew it was going to be a rough climb but it ended up being way harder than I anticipated. There were a lot of rocks that I had to literally climb over. I never could have made it up the mountain if I hadn’t had my group with me. There were places where we had to lift each other up both figuratively and literally. We were so motivated though. We wanted to get to that summit and see that view. Then we wanted to get back to the car and off our feet. I used muscles I didn’t even know I had and I am still finding bruises. Walking is kind of a challenge too…like everything hurts.

It got me thinking about how this thing I am trying to do is kind of like that mountain. It is my own metaphorical mountain to climb. I am trying to do something incredibly challenging that I have never tried to do before. There is a summit above me that I am desperately trying to reach. Every day I have to use new muscles…actual muscles and willpower muscles. I have to find strength even when I am tired and stressed. My days may be long and some of them are really stressful but I have to find the positive in them. If I don’t then I am sabotaging myself. I can’t allow negativity to bring me down and allow me to find excuses.

Everyday I look for the great things that happened…a kid who opened up to me, a kid who finally understood what I was saying, a kid who finally had a great day after a week of bad days, a great moment with my fellow social studies teacher, a great moment with the science to my social studies, a compliment from my admin, cuddles from my dog, a great workout, a good conversation with my mom…this list goes on. I have so many good things going in my life it is time that I start using them as hand and footholds to climb my mountain.

I also need the support of my group. Just like this weekend, I need them to push me up and keep me motivated in the times that I stumble or get sore. This mountain is tall and steep. It is not going to be easy to climb. I am going to get tired and have bruises but that is no reason to stop. The people who keep me positive, who remind me of the great things that are happening are so important. I can see the summit in my head and I know that it will be so worth it. My cheerleaders keep me going. After all, it is not safe to climb a mountain alone.

I am off the ground but I still have plenty left to climb. So if you are climbing a mountain of your own, just know you are not alone. I am climbing with you. We can do it. The summit will be so worth it.

Find your Squad

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, motivation, Squad, Support1 Comment

When trying to accomplish something like a major lifestyle change it is important to have the right people around you. This is something that took me awhile to figure out. There are always going to be people who don’t believe or don’t care. These people are toxic to an attempt at change and we have to learn to walk away from them. For example, the guy who didn’t get why I was so excited to have run my first marathon…don’t need that.

Don’t get me wrong it can be hard. Especially at this age, there is a lot of pressure to find THAT relationship. I had to remind myself that who I let into my life has an influence on how it goes. If I want to change these things and have a healthier life style I need to start with who I let in. Deciding to get healthy and train for a triathlon two months after knee surgery probably sounds crazy to a lot of people. In order to ensure my success I had to count on the people around me to encourage my insanity but also make sure I do it right.

It is so important to have the right squad at your back when attempting major weight loss or a huge physical achievement, or both. I stopped looking for a guy to make me feel better about myself and starting focusing on the people who already have my back:

  • My mom who is my training support for literally every training event and the voice I need when I’m discouraged (seriously don’t know what I would do without you)
  • The rest of my family both blood and adopted that have helped push me to keep going
  • My training partner who pushes and encourages me even when I am cussing at him (sorry matt)
  • My LAME girls who support me whenever I need it
  • My HRT(P – I refuse to conform) who has my back from literally across the country
  • My best friend who puts up with my complaining and random phone calls when my head gets the better of me (thanks les)
  • My best friend and my other mom who never fail to remind me of how far I have come. (love you Syd and Julie)
  • My running group family that celebrates every win with me
  • My gym family that keeps me moving forward with workouts and nutrition
  • My teacher squad that celebrates little victories with me and keeps me from eating all the junk in the lounge (Spartan squad rocks)

Once I wrote all of these down I realized how lucky I am. I have an amazing squad at my back. Any time I feel discouraged they are there to push me forward. I always have people to celebrate my victories both big and small. They all help me in different ways. Some of them train with me and push me to keep getting stronger and faster. Some of them just remind me of what I have accomplished and how much more I can do. Others offer recipes and other helpful tips to keep me moving forward.

What this post basically boils down to is a huge thank you letter to my squad. I couldn’t do this without you guys. Everyone needs a squad and I am so incredibly lucky to have mine. Find the people in your life who will fight with you, pick you up, push you, celebrate you, and love you. Then keep them close. Your squad plays a big part in how your fight goes.