Category: Diet

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On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

Admitting mistakes is not something that anyone ever really wants to do. Yet here I am. I am admitting in front of, well everyone who reads this, that I made a mistake. Last year I made some incredible strides in my personal health journey. I was on a roll. Then my knee got hurt again, a pandemic hit and shut the world down, I went back to school for my doctorate degree, and a million other things happened. I let myself fall back into old habits. I made excuses. I made bad choices. I allowed myself to live in a fantasy world where I had fixed everything. I got complacent.

Slowly I fell back into old habits. I ordered food I didn’t need. I bought junk because my life felt upside down and I decided to cope in a not so good way. Eventually I stopped prepping my meals. I spent too much time watching Netflix and definitely too much time in pajama pants. Suddenly my jeans were a little tight and I was way off track.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about me bashing myself. I did have some legitimate limitations. When my knee got hurt again I was told that I had limit the activities that I was allowed to do. Then after I had knee surgery I wasn’t allowed to do much at all for over a month. All together this knee had me limited for about 6 months. Now I am trying to rebuild strength and get back to where I used to be. This has been a challenge considering I had a torn meniscus repaired, some fraying cartilage shaved off, and they drilled holes in my knee to create scar tissue.

I originally started this blog to share my journey and it has also been neglected. Recently I decided that it is time to get my life back together. If you are still reading you can consider this my restart. I decided that I needed to get my life back on track. I could choose to wallow in the fact that I let myself fall back to this place. Instead I am deciding to learn from my decisions and start again. There is no need to continue to beat myself up about it. All that would do is work against me because I would stay in a negative headspace.

This is not one of those new year, new me posts. I don’t want to be a different person I just want to get myself back on track. So this is not a manifesto of coming change. Instead it is a statement of intention. I may be an over worked, over tired, and over scheduled chick but I am intent on adding the word healthy to that list. I am going to refocus on this part of my life for me and for the people I love. We all have enough to worry about right now. I don’t want my health to be another concern for them. I have a great support system in my corner that can help me stay motivated and keep my accountable. I know that I can reach my goals. They are lofty and I am working towards more than one but multitasking is something I can mange.

Who do you choose?

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, Mental health, motivation, Personal Worth, Self EvaluationLeave a comment

Have you ever had one of those days when you aren’t super busy so you just get to sit down and think about life….yeah me either. My day started insane. Ever taken a bunch of middle school boys to a conference and tried to make them focus…herding cats doesn’t even begin to describe it. Don’t get me wrong they were all pretty well behaved and I think they actually got something out of it…well I mean except for the one kid who got to a have a one on one session with some of the mentors who were there since he couldn’t handle being in a group. I mean I will take my wins where I can get them.

This is all beside the point. When I got home I laid down on the couch to recover and started thinking about something one of the speakers said during the conference today. He said people care more about how you walk it than how you talk it. It kind of hit home because he was discussing the way the kids look to us for guidance and example. I can tell my kids something until I am blue in the face but until they see me walk in it they are just going to hear another teacher lecturing them. Now mind you I am typing all of this with a glass of wine next to the computer which may be fueling some of the total honesty but anyway….

One thing that I have been trying to talk to a couple of my kids about is choosing their future and their goals over what others want for them. I mean they have some many people who want them to do something for some reason. One of the boys in my class is a great example…lets call him “Johnny”. Johnny is a great kid. He is respectful, cares about his grades, and have great leadership potential. Most of the time I love to have him in class. I can see how much he wants to succeed in his goals. Then I noticed that his whole personality changes when he is around a couple of other kids. These kids are not like Johnny. They get disrespectful a lot, are failing more than one class, and kind of make me cringe when I can tell they are in THAT mood. One day I asked him what his goal is. He told me that he wants to play basketball in college and then maybe play in the NBA. Then he shocked the hell out of me when he said if that didn’t work he wanted to become a lawyer. At this age most of my kids have NBA and NFL dreams and see no reason to have a back up plan no matter how many times we tell them they need one.

I’m getting sidetracked again…The other day I pulled Johnny aside and had a conversation with him. I told him that I had noticed how his behavior changed around those two other kids and that it concerned me. I told him that he needed to choose himself and his goals over being “cool” or doing what his friends wanted him to do. He told me he understood but it was one of those conversations that I knew was going in one ear and out the other. After all being cool is pretty important to kids and they want to fit in. They want to do what everyone else is doing and that has gotten even worse with all the social media.

Today I realized that maybe I have more in common with Johnny than I thought. Maybe my argument would be more convincing if I was walking it too. I mean I fall into some of the same traps that Johnny fell into. I want to do what everyone else was doing more than once in my life and it has led me to putting my own goals aside in favor of what was “cool”. For example:

  • Having another drink when I know I shouldn’t spend the money or the calories and I kind of hate feeling drunk but I’m out with friends and they want to keep going
  • Grabbing some junk food because we are having a girls night and that is what we are supposed to do even though that isn’t going to help me lose weight
  • Putting all my time and energy into finding that perfect relationship because all my friends seem to be finding one when I know that I have other goals I want to accomplish
  • Focusing on the negative because everyone else wants to bitch when I know that there are plenty of positives we could be talking about.
  • Not pushing for an idea that I think would be great because I am afraid that it will make people mad

I was trying to find happiness and fulfillment in the things that took it from me to begin with. Not exactly my best logic. How can I tell Johnny to focus on his own goals and forget what everyone else in his life is pushing on him when I can’t do the same thing for myself? How can I make a convincing argument when I don’t have the actions to back it up?

Well today that ends. Today I walk it. I have goals to accomplish and it is time that I put all of my focus into that. I have more weight to lose. I need to get better about keeping my house clean. I have a doctoral program to finish applying for. I have a second triathalon to train for as of about twenty minutes ago.

Its time for me to lead by example. I’m gonna end up having that same conversation with Johnny again soon and this time I will be able to give him examples because…

I CHOOSE ME. Not just any me either, I choose the me that I want to be and I will be her because I’m not letting anything else get in my way anymore.

Girl, Check Yourself!

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

You ever have one of those days where it seems like everything is making you take a hard look at what you’ve been doing lately? Welcome to my Tuesday. This post is one of those hard an ugly truths that we have to acknowledge every once in awhile.

I’ve slipped.

Scratch that…I’ve gone down the slip n’ slide we made at the lifeguard party when I was 15 that dumped us into the deep end of the pool. Instead of swimming back to the ladder I’ve just been treading water and spinning in circles without actually moving.

I finished a freaking triathalon y’all! However, I also went back to work full time and straight off track. The insanity and exhaustion of the beginning of a new school year made me lose focus. I lost focus in my meal prep, my exercise, and just my responsibilities in general. Today I had to come to terms with the fact that I just haven’t been trying as hard as I could be.

Going back to work is insane and stressful in so many ways. I have 120 new babies whose names and quirks I need to learn pretty fast, I now have lesson plans and endless meetings to take care of, and I have an after school program to run. Most days by the time I get home all I want is to curl up on the couch. A lot of days teaching makes me want three shots of espresso (or bourbon). Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but it take a lot out of me every day. Recently I read an article that said teachers make more minute by minute decisions than anyone else and I totally believe it.

The problem is that I started falling into the same trap I fell into last year. I put way more focus on my work and my students than I did on myself. I let myself say that I am super tired and I will take care of it later. The time has come for me to tell myself to suck it up. It doesn’t matter how tired I am. I have to stay committed to this journey that I am on. I was so unbelievably proud of myself for my triathlon and my initial weight loss. This is not the time to stop. If anything this is the time to step it up. Time to work out harder, eat way better, and take care of me. The more I succeed on this journey the better I become. That means a better me for my students and myself. I can’t rely on other people to tell me that I need to keep it together. I have plenty of people in my corner that will do that for me but I need to do it for myself.

Like they say in Knight’s Tale “You’ve have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” It is time that I check myself and get it together. After all I can’t really tell my kids to get their lives together in class if I am not willing to do the same thing.

Find your Squad

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, motivation, Squad, Support1 Comment

When trying to accomplish something like a major lifestyle change it is important to have the right people around you. This is something that took me awhile to figure out. There are always going to be people who don’t believe or don’t care. These people are toxic to an attempt at change and we have to learn to walk away from them. For example, the guy who didn’t get why I was so excited to have run my first marathon…don’t need that.

Don’t get me wrong it can be hard. Especially at this age, there is a lot of pressure to find THAT relationship. I had to remind myself that who I let into my life has an influence on how it goes. If I want to change these things and have a healthier life style I need to start with who I let in. Deciding to get healthy and train for a triathlon two months after knee surgery probably sounds crazy to a lot of people. In order to ensure my success I had to count on the people around me to encourage my insanity but also make sure I do it right.

It is so important to have the right squad at your back when attempting major weight loss or a huge physical achievement, or both. I stopped looking for a guy to make me feel better about myself and starting focusing on the people who already have my back:

  • My mom who is my training support for literally every training event and the voice I need when I’m discouraged (seriously don’t know what I would do without you)
  • The rest of my family both blood and adopted that have helped push me to keep going
  • My training partner who pushes and encourages me even when I am cussing at him (sorry matt)
  • My LAME girls who support me whenever I need it
  • My HRT(P – I refuse to conform) who has my back from literally across the country
  • My best friend who puts up with my complaining and random phone calls when my head gets the better of me (thanks les)
  • My best friend and my other mom who never fail to remind me of how far I have come. (love you Syd and Julie)
  • My running group family that celebrates every win with me
  • My gym family that keeps me moving forward with workouts and nutrition
  • My teacher squad that celebrates little victories with me and keeps me from eating all the junk in the lounge (Spartan squad rocks)

Once I wrote all of these down I realized how lucky I am. I have an amazing squad at my back. Any time I feel discouraged they are there to push me forward. I always have people to celebrate my victories both big and small. They all help me in different ways. Some of them train with me and push me to keep getting stronger and faster. Some of them just remind me of what I have accomplished and how much more I can do. Others offer recipes and other helpful tips to keep me moving forward.

What this post basically boils down to is a huge thank you letter to my squad. I couldn’t do this without you guys. Everyone needs a squad and I am so incredibly lucky to have mine. Find the people in your life who will fight with you, pick you up, push you, celebrate you, and love you. Then keep them close. Your squad plays a big part in how your fight goes.

Be your own motivational speaker

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

Taking on a journey like this one is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. So many different thoughts fly through my head. “What if I can’t do it?” “What if it doesn’t make a difference?” “What is it gonna look like when I get there?” “What will people think if I actually get this done?” “How much better will I feel when I get this done?”

Every day is a constant battle to keep up with the goals that I have set for myself. There is always something going on in my life that makes me want to give up or quit or take a day off. These are days that I am really tired and want to hit snooze on my alarm or I have a bad day at work and I really just want to stop and get some ben and jerry’s on the way home. The days that I want to do nothing but sit on the couch with Netflix and some wine. There are so many different causes of these issues; a bad day at work, missing my best friends, a bad first date, or my anxiety monster rearing its ugly head.

On these days I have to find a way to fight through.  I have to be my own motivation. Reminding myself why I decided to take this journey is a big part of that fight.  On these days I like to look at how far I have come. It goes back to celebrating my success. I have to remember how strong I can be. Alternatives become my savior on these days. A conversation in my head looks a bit like this…”You’ve come this far. Do not let this get you. You are going to make that gym workout pointless. I know you want ice cream…lets just go home and eat some Halo. Its already in the freezer.” Being my own motivational speaker has become a very necessary part of my life.

On these days sometimes I need to be more than just my own motivational speaker. I need to be my own critic and challenger. On the days when it is nothing more than just laziness or tiredness I have to be my own challenger. It can be hard to my own critic but I also know that sometimes it is necessary. Congratulating myself for how far I have come is important but it is also important not to let it go to my head. I can’t use my accomplishments to justify bad decisions. Those conversations go more like this… “Is that really the best you can do? You know its not.” Or “Do you really want to eat that or are you just being a whiny baby?” This was the hardest part for me to master. It is never easy to deal with your own BS. Having those in my life call me on it is something that I need. Doing it for myself is something that I am learning. Regardless of how hard it is I know that it is necessary. That is a skill that I still need to master.

Celebrate how far you have come but never stop moving forward.

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“So I’m Trying a New Diet”

On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized, Wellness1 Comment

“So, I started a new diet.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that exact sentence my friends and family. I would estimate at least twice a year over the past five years. I mean we all do it don’t we. “New Year, New Me!” “Gotta get that summer beach bod!” “I want to look amazing for the …insert major event here.” I would love to blame my struggles on college or some major life altering event. The truth is my weight has been something of a self made struggle since high school. I have used every excuse in the book to avoid the problem. I have hated myself and hated other people as a result. I have been bullied and I have allowed people to put me down because of it. When I get sick of it I decide to look for an answer for somewhere. I fell prey to the many different fad diets and clichés. I mean honestly I’ve tried everything from Weight Watchers to the 17 Day Diet. Every suggestion from every person I could think of.

Here’s the problem though…I never tried these things for the right reasons. I tried them so I could look as good as my roommate, so I could find a guy who likes or please the one I liked, or because people told me I needed to. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but not a single one of these things was because I wanted to change my habits or my health. They were all either superficial or a suggestion from some one else. That is the reason it has never worked. I didn’t want to acknowledge that at the core my health was at stake.

This past year I have faced some hard truths; truths about my physical health and my mental health. Here they are:

My weight is no longer just a superficial issue.

I have wanted to be “skinny” for as long as I can remember. Now I don’t even know what that means but I wanted it. This year I had to face the fact that I was putting myself at risk for some many other problems. I was hit hard in the face when a doctor put me on cholesterol medication. I’m 26 freaking years old. That is not okay

Injuries happen and I need to start look for alternatives

Ever torn your meniscus…hurts like hell doesn’t it. Well that problem plus some already existing arthritis meant that running was going to have to take a back seat for me. I had to find new ways to work out. I don’t like change. Ask anyone who knows me.

Mental health and physical health are way more connected that I wanted to acknowledge

Have you ever felt guilty for feeling bad? I sure as hell have. This year I had to acknowledge a real truth. I have anxiety disorder….like a lot. It is okay to not be okay regardless of how much better you think you have it that someone else. What does my weird brain have to do with my body? Well kids, emotional eating is a real thing. Trust me. Self sabotage due to emotional eating…super real. Finding new ways to deal with my anxiety became really important to my physical health. To be honest…still kind of working on this one.

I have to take care of me

Anyone who has met me or my family will get this one. You need help…I’ve got you. You need an escape….chick flicks and wine. You’re new here and don’t know anyone….welcome to the family, you’ve been adopted and no you don’t have a choice.  This need to care for those around me gets amplified at work. My students are my world, they are my kids and taking care of them is super important to me. I put some much pressure on myself to care for them that I literally made myself sick this year. It took a wake up call from my mom to fix it. I can’t take care of anyone if I’m not taking care of me.

I have to embark on a journey for only one reason…

This one was probably the biggest one for me. The only way anything is truly going to change and actually stick is if I decided to do it simply because I want to do it. For the first time in my life my decision to make a change is simply that…MINE.

I have a few goals now and I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken so far. I’ve joined a new gym that doesn’t give me a way to skip out. Plus I’m paying for it I am not wasting that money away. (*teacher’s salary cough*) I signed up for my first triathlon. It is time to stop being so stubborn about running. I got a road bike (his name is Zazu). I ate kale and tried some veggie burgers…not actually that bad. Don’t get me wrong, this is just the beginning. I’ve got a long way to go. The difference is…this time I’m excited about it.

Welcome to my journey…its gonna be a rollercoaster.