Category: Wellness

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On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

Admitting mistakes is not something that anyone ever really wants to do. Yet here I am. I am admitting in front of, well everyone who reads this, that I made a mistake. Last year I made some incredible strides in my personal health journey. I was on a roll. Then my knee got hurt again, a pandemic hit and shut the world down, I went back to school for my doctorate degree, and a million other things happened. I let myself fall back into old habits. I made excuses. I made bad choices. I allowed myself to live in a fantasy world where I had fixed everything. I got complacent.

Slowly I fell back into old habits. I ordered food I didn’t need. I bought junk because my life felt upside down and I decided to cope in a not so good way. Eventually I stopped prepping my meals. I spent too much time watching Netflix and definitely too much time in pajama pants. Suddenly my jeans were a little tight and I was way off track.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about me bashing myself. I did have some legitimate limitations. When my knee got hurt again I was told that I had limit the activities that I was allowed to do. Then after I had knee surgery I wasn’t allowed to do much at all for over a month. All together this knee had me limited for about 6 months. Now I am trying to rebuild strength and get back to where I used to be. This has been a challenge considering I had a torn meniscus repaired, some fraying cartilage shaved off, and they drilled holes in my knee to create scar tissue.

I originally started this blog to share my journey and it has also been neglected. Recently I decided that it is time to get my life back together. If you are still reading you can consider this my restart. I decided that I needed to get my life back on track. I could choose to wallow in the fact that I let myself fall back to this place. Instead I am deciding to learn from my decisions and start again. There is no need to continue to beat myself up about it. All that would do is work against me because I would stay in a negative headspace.

This is not one of those new year, new me posts. I don’t want to be a different person I just want to get myself back on track. So this is not a manifesto of coming change. Instead it is a statement of intention. I may be an over worked, over tired, and over scheduled chick but I am intent on adding the word healthy to that list. I am going to refocus on this part of my life for me and for the people I love. We all have enough to worry about right now. I don’t want my health to be another concern for them. I have a great support system in my corner that can help me stay motivated and keep my accountable. I know that I can reach my goals. They are lofty and I am working towards more than one but multitasking is something I can mange.

Teacher Talk

On By MCIn Mental health, motivation, Teaching, WellnessLeave a comment

So I know I normally focus on my personal journey but today I want to talk about my job. There has been a lot of talk in the recent days about teachers and our role in the world. A million and one different people have tweeted their support of teachers since they have started trying to homeschool their children.  Now don’t get me wrong I totally appreciate the love. It is nice to see people recognizing how tough it can be to teach and get kids to focus.  However, I have no expectations that people will remember this when we go back to school. Mostly because I don’t think they fully understand just how much this job entails or how important these kids are to us.

Anyway that’s not what I really wanted to talk about. What I want to talk about is the unseen effect that all of this is having on teachers. I know there are a lot of clichés about teachers and our students being our kids. Most clichés are built around some truth though. I mean there are plenty of teachers who have no business working with children. I’ve met some of them. They are bitter, old fashioned, and sometimes just plain mean. The majority of us are not like that. We care about these kids with our whole hearts. They take a permanent residence in our lives. I see my job as shaping the future. These kids are our future and I want to make sure their lives are better because I was their teacher. I want them to see their abilities and their potential. I always tell my students that I am more concerned with them becoming a better human being while they are with me than I am with them remembering all the history facts I teach them. I want them to know why history is important. I want them to know how to interact, how to get their news from something other than instagram, how to argue, and how to care about the world around them.

The kids I work with on a daily basis truly have become my kids. Hell, some of them call me mom. I go to basketball games, football games, and dance recitals. I check in on them as they get older and move onto higher grades. They still get on my nerves sometimes. Well actually some of them get on my nerves a lot of the time and I don’t always handle it in a way that makes me proud. At the end of the day, all that matters is that they are my kids and I care about them. Being apart from them unexpectedly and for an unknown amount of time is a lot harder on me than anticipated. I’m sure you’ve seen all of the posts during winter break and spring break or even summer break in which teacher’s celebrate. Honestly sometimes we need that break. The difference is that we can emotionally prepare ourselves and our students for the separation when we have a break. Even then we still worry.

Right now I am trying to teach my students through a computer. Some of my kiddos don’t even have internet at home. If you want the truth, I am worried. I am worried if they are getting enough to eat. I am worried if they are reading so they don’t fall even more behind. I am worried that there is no one there to help them if they don’t understand this online work. I am worried that they might end up running the streets without the after school program to occupy their time. I am worried that they aren’t hearing anything positive around them. I am worried that someone is hurting them. I am worried that they aren’t getting any love or support.

Today I was able to video chat with some of my students. It was nice to see their faces and hear their voices. I like being able to see that they are doing okay. However, I am still worried about the ones who weren’t in the video chat; probably even more than I was previously. I knew I missed them but it didn’t hit me how much I missed them until I saw them on that video screen.

The point of all of this is to say…please don’t make light of how we feel or insinuate that we are happily on some sort of break. My phone isn’t glued to my face so I can check instagram; its there because I am answering emails as soon as I get them so my kids know that I am still there.  I love my kids and I honestly wish I was back at work right now.

Girl, Check Yourself!

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, motivation, Self Evaluation, WellnessLeave a comment

You ever have one of those days where it seems like everything is making you take a hard look at what you’ve been doing lately? Welcome to my Tuesday. This post is one of those hard an ugly truths that we have to acknowledge every once in awhile.

I’ve slipped.

Scratch that…I’ve gone down the slip n’ slide we made at the lifeguard party when I was 15 that dumped us into the deep end of the pool. Instead of swimming back to the ladder I’ve just been treading water and spinning in circles without actually moving.

I finished a freaking triathalon y’all! However, I also went back to work full time and straight off track. The insanity and exhaustion of the beginning of a new school year made me lose focus. I lost focus in my meal prep, my exercise, and just my responsibilities in general. Today I had to come to terms with the fact that I just haven’t been trying as hard as I could be.

Going back to work is insane and stressful in so many ways. I have 120 new babies whose names and quirks I need to learn pretty fast, I now have lesson plans and endless meetings to take care of, and I have an after school program to run. Most days by the time I get home all I want is to curl up on the couch. A lot of days teaching makes me want three shots of espresso (or bourbon). Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but it take a lot out of me every day. Recently I read an article that said teachers make more minute by minute decisions than anyone else and I totally believe it.

The problem is that I started falling into the same trap I fell into last year. I put way more focus on my work and my students than I did on myself. I let myself say that I am super tired and I will take care of it later. The time has come for me to tell myself to suck it up. It doesn’t matter how tired I am. I have to stay committed to this journey that I am on. I was so unbelievably proud of myself for my triathlon and my initial weight loss. This is not the time to stop. If anything this is the time to step it up. Time to work out harder, eat way better, and take care of me. The more I succeed on this journey the better I become. That means a better me for my students and myself. I can’t rely on other people to tell me that I need to keep it together. I have plenty of people in my corner that will do that for me but I need to do it for myself.

Like they say in Knight’s Tale “You’ve have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” It is time that I check myself and get it together. After all I can’t really tell my kids to get their lives together in class if I am not willing to do the same thing.

Be your own motivational speaker

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

Taking on a journey like this one is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. So many different thoughts fly through my head. “What if I can’t do it?” “What if it doesn’t make a difference?” “What is it gonna look like when I get there?” “What will people think if I actually get this done?” “How much better will I feel when I get this done?”

Every day is a constant battle to keep up with the goals that I have set for myself. There is always something going on in my life that makes me want to give up or quit or take a day off. These are days that I am really tired and want to hit snooze on my alarm or I have a bad day at work and I really just want to stop and get some ben and jerry’s on the way home. The days that I want to do nothing but sit on the couch with Netflix and some wine. There are so many different causes of these issues; a bad day at work, missing my best friends, a bad first date, or my anxiety monster rearing its ugly head.

On these days I have to find a way to fight through.  I have to be my own motivation. Reminding myself why I decided to take this journey is a big part of that fight.  On these days I like to look at how far I have come. It goes back to celebrating my success. I have to remember how strong I can be. Alternatives become my savior on these days. A conversation in my head looks a bit like this…”You’ve come this far. Do not let this get you. You are going to make that gym workout pointless. I know you want ice cream…lets just go home and eat some Halo. Its already in the freezer.” Being my own motivational speaker has become a very necessary part of my life.

On these days sometimes I need to be more than just my own motivational speaker. I need to be my own critic and challenger. On the days when it is nothing more than just laziness or tiredness I have to be my own challenger. It can be hard to my own critic but I also know that sometimes it is necessary. Congratulating myself for how far I have come is important but it is also important not to let it go to my head. I can’t use my accomplishments to justify bad decisions. Those conversations go more like this… “Is that really the best you can do? You know its not.” Or “Do you really want to eat that or are you just being a whiny baby?” This was the hardest part for me to master. It is never easy to deal with your own BS. Having those in my life call me on it is something that I need. Doing it for myself is something that I am learning. Regardless of how hard it is I know that it is necessary. That is a skill that I still need to master.

Celebrate how far you have come but never stop moving forward.

Celebrate Every Little Thing!

On By MCIn confidence, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, Mental health, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

When you are a journey like this it is easy to get discouraged and sidetracked. I mean…we are talking major life changes here. These major life changes mean that every once and awhile we are going to have a setback. Humans are incredibly complex creatures with crazy emotions and desires. Unless you have some kind of super human control and willpower your emotions are going to win out more than once.

Personally my emotions create a weird paradox. When I am sad or angry I can eat literally anything in sight. When I am stressed I don’t want to eat anything. When I’m bored I have a habit of over eating just because its there. While I would love to believe that my dedication to getting healthy could stop this….shocker…it can’t. Regardless of how much I want to make these changes I am still trying to survive the insanity that is being in my 20’s. Then I add in the fact that I am a teacher; possibly one of the most emotional and stressful jobs a person can choose. This means that my emotions are more insane than a three year old at Chuck e Cheese. So surprise surprise…sometimes I slip up.

It is really easy to be incredibly hard on myself when these slips happen. “Why did you eat the cookie that was in the teachers lounge?” “Why did you order a burger instead of a salad?” These small slips used to lead to an incredible backslide as I beat myself up over messing up. Now a days I have learned that it is okay to slip every once and awhile. The trick is to get right back on it. I do this by finding something to celebrate even in my mistakes.

Every single day, sometimes twice a day, I find something to celebrate. These can be big wins or small ones. All that matters is not contributing to my emotional eating by beating myself up. So many small things can be a victory for me. I only grabbed one cookie in the teachers lounge instead of the three I would have grabbed a year ago? Victory. I made it to the gym even though I really wanted to throw my phone across the room when the alarm went off? Victory. I went on a 20 mile bike ride with my training partner and let him try to kill me by setting the speed? Victory. I ate some vegetables when what I really wanted was ice cream? Huge victory. I lost a few pound? Time for a dance party that makes the dog look at me like I’m crazy.

The moral of the story is that everyday we have a victory in some way shape or form. It is time that we start celebrating them, no matter how small we think they are. Celebrate in whatever way you want. Send a silly snapchat. Reward yourself with some binge watching. Buy a new dress. Have a shopping spree at Ulta. Send a text to your BFFs. Call your mom and brag (my personal favorite).  

Most of us look to those around us for validation, compliments, and recognition. Stop it. Celebrate your damn self every day because you are amazing!!

Don’t be your own worst enemy.

On By MCIn confidence, Image, Mental health, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

Ever doubt that you are worth it? Tell someone “I don’t know how you put up with me?” Let someone else put doubts in your head? Shake your head and brush off compliments from the people in your life? All of the above? Yeah me too.

I had a conversation lately with one of my best friends. You see, I have a habit of tearing myself down. I look at only my flaws. My best friend pointed out to me that I have accomplished some amazing things. I own a house, a car, and I have a job that I love(thanks Abs).  This is something I have to constantly remind myself about. I don’t know about you guys but it is so much easier to find the things I did wrong than look for the ones that I did right.

That is problematic for a lot of reasons. The biggest one is that I am an emotional eater. Bad day? Mac n Cheese. A lot of stress? Chocolate. Bad date? Hello Ben and Jerry. Now emotional eating is a big enough problem. Add that to the fun roller coaster that is being in your 20’s…super fun. Lately, I have been working really hard to fix this problem. After all its pretty impossible to lose weight and get healthy is you are emotionally eating every other day.

I started trying something new. Everytime I have one of these awful moments, or days, when I am doubting myself I make a list. Sometimes I make the list in my head, other times I write it down. This list has to have at least 5 things on it.  Five things in my life that are great. Making this list reminds me to be grateful for the things that I have. Here is a sample list:

1. My family is amazing

2. I have a cuddly puppy to go home to every day

3. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world

4. I was able to get my knee treated so I could keep living my life.

5. I have a home to call my own

6. I am getting stronger every day.  

7. I love my job and my students.

8. I know my students look up to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have bad days. There are days that I doubt myself and find plenty of things to criticize. My hair is too crazy. I need to be skinnier. I need to be better at make up. I should look more girly. I should look more sporty. I tell my students they need to believe in how amazing they are all the time. I know that is easier said than done.  Sometimes my kiddos are the reason that I need to remind myself to do it. If I want them to be positive and look for the good in life I need to lead by example.

The reality is that I have an amazing life. I am stronger than ever. I have a huge heart. I am getting kinda good at this adulting thing. I take care of the people in my life. I am a damn good teacher. The fact that I have the opportunity to write this and share my story is amazing. The fact that it is even possible for me to take the steps to get healthier is amazing.

So the truth is…I am pretty damn amazing. I know my own worth these days and its pretty high. No matter where you are in life…your worth is pretty damn high too.

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“So I’m Trying a New Diet”

On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized, Wellness1 Comment

“So, I started a new diet.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that exact sentence my friends and family. I would estimate at least twice a year over the past five years. I mean we all do it don’t we. “New Year, New Me!” “Gotta get that summer beach bod!” “I want to look amazing for the …insert major event here.” I would love to blame my struggles on college or some major life altering event. The truth is my weight has been something of a self made struggle since high school. I have used every excuse in the book to avoid the problem. I have hated myself and hated other people as a result. I have been bullied and I have allowed people to put me down because of it. When I get sick of it I decide to look for an answer for somewhere. I fell prey to the many different fad diets and clichés. I mean honestly I’ve tried everything from Weight Watchers to the 17 Day Diet. Every suggestion from every person I could think of.

Here’s the problem though…I never tried these things for the right reasons. I tried them so I could look as good as my roommate, so I could find a guy who likes or please the one I liked, or because people told me I needed to. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but not a single one of these things was because I wanted to change my habits or my health. They were all either superficial or a suggestion from some one else. That is the reason it has never worked. I didn’t want to acknowledge that at the core my health was at stake.

This past year I have faced some hard truths; truths about my physical health and my mental health. Here they are:

My weight is no longer just a superficial issue.

I have wanted to be “skinny” for as long as I can remember. Now I don’t even know what that means but I wanted it. This year I had to face the fact that I was putting myself at risk for some many other problems. I was hit hard in the face when a doctor put me on cholesterol medication. I’m 26 freaking years old. That is not okay

Injuries happen and I need to start look for alternatives

Ever torn your meniscus…hurts like hell doesn’t it. Well that problem plus some already existing arthritis meant that running was going to have to take a back seat for me. I had to find new ways to work out. I don’t like change. Ask anyone who knows me.

Mental health and physical health are way more connected that I wanted to acknowledge

Have you ever felt guilty for feeling bad? I sure as hell have. This year I had to acknowledge a real truth. I have anxiety disorder….like a lot. It is okay to not be okay regardless of how much better you think you have it that someone else. What does my weird brain have to do with my body? Well kids, emotional eating is a real thing. Trust me. Self sabotage due to emotional eating…super real. Finding new ways to deal with my anxiety became really important to my physical health. To be honest…still kind of working on this one.

I have to take care of me

Anyone who has met me or my family will get this one. You need help…I’ve got you. You need an escape….chick flicks and wine. You’re new here and don’t know anyone….welcome to the family, you’ve been adopted and no you don’t have a choice.  This need to care for those around me gets amplified at work. My students are my world, they are my kids and taking care of them is super important to me. I put some much pressure on myself to care for them that I literally made myself sick this year. It took a wake up call from my mom to fix it. I can’t take care of anyone if I’m not taking care of me.

I have to embark on a journey for only one reason…

This one was probably the biggest one for me. The only way anything is truly going to change and actually stick is if I decided to do it simply because I want to do it. For the first time in my life my decision to make a change is simply that…MINE.

I have a few goals now and I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken so far. I’ve joined a new gym that doesn’t give me a way to skip out. Plus I’m paying for it I am not wasting that money away. (*teacher’s salary cough*) I signed up for my first triathlon. It is time to stop being so stubborn about running. I got a road bike (his name is Zazu). I ate kale and tried some veggie burgers…not actually that bad. Don’t get me wrong, this is just the beginning. I’ve got a long way to go. The difference is…this time I’m excited about it.

Welcome to my journey…its gonna be a rollercoaster.