Be your own motivational speaker

On By MCIn confidence, Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, motivation, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

Taking on a journey like this one is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. So many different thoughts fly through my head. “What if I can’t do it?” “What if it doesn’t make a difference?” “What is it gonna look like when I get there?” “What will people think if I actually get this done?” “How much better will I feel when I get this done?”

Every day is a constant battle to keep up with the goals that I have set for myself. There is always something going on in my life that makes me want to give up or quit or take a day off. These are days that I am really tired and want to hit snooze on my alarm or I have a bad day at work and I really just want to stop and get some ben and jerry’s on the way home. The days that I want to do nothing but sit on the couch with Netflix and some wine. There are so many different causes of these issues; a bad day at work, missing my best friends, a bad first date, or my anxiety monster rearing its ugly head.

On these days I have to find a way to fight through.  I have to be my own motivation. Reminding myself why I decided to take this journey is a big part of that fight.  On these days I like to look at how far I have come. It goes back to celebrating my success. I have to remember how strong I can be. Alternatives become my savior on these days. A conversation in my head looks a bit like this…”You’ve come this far. Do not let this get you. You are going to make that gym workout pointless. I know you want ice cream…lets just go home and eat some Halo. Its already in the freezer.” Being my own motivational speaker has become a very necessary part of my life.

On these days sometimes I need to be more than just my own motivational speaker. I need to be my own critic and challenger. On the days when it is nothing more than just laziness or tiredness I have to be my own challenger. It can be hard to my own critic but I also know that sometimes it is necessary. Congratulating myself for how far I have come is important but it is also important not to let it go to my head. I can’t use my accomplishments to justify bad decisions. Those conversations go more like this… “Is that really the best you can do? You know its not.” Or “Do you really want to eat that or are you just being a whiny baby?” This was the hardest part for me to master. It is never easy to deal with your own BS. Having those in my life call me on it is something that I need. Doing it for myself is something that I am learning. Regardless of how hard it is I know that it is necessary. That is a skill that I still need to master.

Celebrate how far you have come but never stop moving forward.

Celebrate Every Little Thing!

On By MCIn confidence, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Image, Mental health, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

When you are a journey like this it is easy to get discouraged and sidetracked. I mean…we are talking major life changes here. These major life changes mean that every once and awhile we are going to have a setback. Humans are incredibly complex creatures with crazy emotions and desires. Unless you have some kind of super human control and willpower your emotions are going to win out more than once.

Personally my emotions create a weird paradox. When I am sad or angry I can eat literally anything in sight. When I am stressed I don’t want to eat anything. When I’m bored I have a habit of over eating just because its there. While I would love to believe that my dedication to getting healthy could stop this….shocker…it can’t. Regardless of how much I want to make these changes I am still trying to survive the insanity that is being in my 20’s. Then I add in the fact that I am a teacher; possibly one of the most emotional and stressful jobs a person can choose. This means that my emotions are more insane than a three year old at Chuck e Cheese. So surprise surprise…sometimes I slip up.

It is really easy to be incredibly hard on myself when these slips happen. “Why did you eat the cookie that was in the teachers lounge?” “Why did you order a burger instead of a salad?” These small slips used to lead to an incredible backslide as I beat myself up over messing up. Now a days I have learned that it is okay to slip every once and awhile. The trick is to get right back on it. I do this by finding something to celebrate even in my mistakes.

Every single day, sometimes twice a day, I find something to celebrate. These can be big wins or small ones. All that matters is not contributing to my emotional eating by beating myself up. So many small things can be a victory for me. I only grabbed one cookie in the teachers lounge instead of the three I would have grabbed a year ago? Victory. I made it to the gym even though I really wanted to throw my phone across the room when the alarm went off? Victory. I went on a 20 mile bike ride with my training partner and let him try to kill me by setting the speed? Victory. I ate some vegetables when what I really wanted was ice cream? Huge victory. I lost a few pound? Time for a dance party that makes the dog look at me like I’m crazy.

The moral of the story is that everyday we have a victory in some way shape or form. It is time that we start celebrating them, no matter how small we think they are. Celebrate in whatever way you want. Send a silly snapchat. Reward yourself with some binge watching. Buy a new dress. Have a shopping spree at Ulta. Send a text to your BFFs. Call your mom and brag (my personal favorite).  

Most of us look to those around us for validation, compliments, and recognition. Stop it. Celebrate your damn self every day because you are amazing!!

Don’t be your own worst enemy.

On By MCIn confidence, Image, Mental health, Personal Worth, WellnessLeave a comment

Ever doubt that you are worth it? Tell someone “I don’t know how you put up with me?” Let someone else put doubts in your head? Shake your head and brush off compliments from the people in your life? All of the above? Yeah me too.

I had a conversation lately with one of my best friends. You see, I have a habit of tearing myself down. I look at only my flaws. My best friend pointed out to me that I have accomplished some amazing things. I own a house, a car, and I have a job that I love(thanks Abs).  This is something I have to constantly remind myself about. I don’t know about you guys but it is so much easier to find the things I did wrong than look for the ones that I did right.

That is problematic for a lot of reasons. The biggest one is that I am an emotional eater. Bad day? Mac n Cheese. A lot of stress? Chocolate. Bad date? Hello Ben and Jerry. Now emotional eating is a big enough problem. Add that to the fun roller coaster that is being in your 20’s…super fun. Lately, I have been working really hard to fix this problem. After all its pretty impossible to lose weight and get healthy is you are emotionally eating every other day.

I started trying something new. Everytime I have one of these awful moments, or days, when I am doubting myself I make a list. Sometimes I make the list in my head, other times I write it down. This list has to have at least 5 things on it.  Five things in my life that are great. Making this list reminds me to be grateful for the things that I have. Here is a sample list:

1. My family is amazing

2. I have a cuddly puppy to go home to every day

3. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world

4. I was able to get my knee treated so I could keep living my life.

5. I have a home to call my own

6. I am getting stronger every day.  

7. I love my job and my students.

8. I know my students look up to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I have bad days. There are days that I doubt myself and find plenty of things to criticize. My hair is too crazy. I need to be skinnier. I need to be better at make up. I should look more girly. I should look more sporty. I tell my students they need to believe in how amazing they are all the time. I know that is easier said than done.  Sometimes my kiddos are the reason that I need to remind myself to do it. If I want them to be positive and look for the good in life I need to lead by example.

The reality is that I have an amazing life. I am stronger than ever. I have a huge heart. I am getting kinda good at this adulting thing. I take care of the people in my life. I am a damn good teacher. The fact that I have the opportunity to write this and share my story is amazing. The fact that it is even possible for me to take the steps to get healthier is amazing.

So the truth is…I am pretty damn amazing. I know my own worth these days and its pretty high. No matter where you are in life…your worth is pretty damn high too.

Step aside Cady Heron.

On By MCIn Image, Mental health, Personal Worth, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“You’re like…really pretty”

I can’t tell you how many times I have watched that scene in Mean Girls and laughed hysterically at how shallow they all were. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to hear the same sentence…sounds dumb doesn’t it? No matter how many times we say “I don’t give a flying duck(autocorrect) what they think about me”  we still care. It is human nature to seek the approval of others. Especially at this super fun point of life called the beginning of adulthood. There are so many people we want to impress; our parents, our coworkers, our friends, our friends’ friends, and that cute guy we see across the bar.

Are you ready for the harsh truth…its never going to happen. Its annoying isn’t it. It occurred to me one day this year when I was talking a student through a meltdown. “The other kids don’t like me….they make fun of me….they call me ugly…they talk about me behind my back.” All of these were phrases I said or fears that I had when I was her age and as an adult. As I’m talking to this young lady and trying to comfort her I said “Baby girl, you will always  have people who don’t like you in life. The people who really matter, the ones are always there for you will be proud of you and they will love you for who you are no matter what. The only opinion that really matters is your own. You need to love you. If you are happy with the person you are then be proud of that and stop trying to hide behind the standards of others.” Wait what…..did I just say that? Well damn, I guess I need to start taking my own advice.

Don’t get me wrong; I work in a field where being considered “cool” can go a long way with building relationships. We are told in every (completely annoying) professional development how important it is to develop relationships with the students. “If they don’t like you, they aren’t going to perform for you.” This was hard for me. I wasn’t cool when I was in middle school and now I need to be cool for a bunch of kids who think a Razr phone is lame. It took me a couple of years to realize that I didn’t need to be cool and I don’t need these kids to like me. What they should tell us is that you need to build a relationship so the students see you as human. That level of openness fosters respect and that is what you should really seek from your students. Once I started allowing my students to see that I was human, that I have fears and flaws everything seemed to flow a lot easier.

Sharing these things with my students allowed me to take a careful look at myself and the things that I really needed to do. I spend a lot of time trying to get my students to appreciate their own self worth but I was not leading by example at all. I was holding myself to an indefinable, unattainable standard.  What does it even mean to be pretty? Who gets to decide that? I read somewhere that finding one new thing to love everyday could change an entire outlook. Since then I have realized that looking like a model is not something I am really interested in. Instead I want to feel strong. I want to be compassionate. I want to be independent. I want to be a role model. I want to be me.

Screw pretty….I’m me and I’m freaking awesome (most of the time…just don’t ask when I’m hangry).

Featured

“So I’m Trying a New Diet”

On By MCIn Diet, Fitness, Healthy Lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized, Wellness1 Comment

“So, I started a new diet.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that exact sentence my friends and family. I would estimate at least twice a year over the past five years. I mean we all do it don’t we. “New Year, New Me!” “Gotta get that summer beach bod!” “I want to look amazing for the …insert major event here.” I would love to blame my struggles on college or some major life altering event. The truth is my weight has been something of a self made struggle since high school. I have used every excuse in the book to avoid the problem. I have hated myself and hated other people as a result. I have been bullied and I have allowed people to put me down because of it. When I get sick of it I decide to look for an answer for somewhere. I fell prey to the many different fad diets and clichés. I mean honestly I’ve tried everything from Weight Watchers to the 17 Day Diet. Every suggestion from every person I could think of.

Here’s the problem though…I never tried these things for the right reasons. I tried them so I could look as good as my roommate, so I could find a guy who likes or please the one I liked, or because people told me I needed to. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but not a single one of these things was because I wanted to change my habits or my health. They were all either superficial or a suggestion from some one else. That is the reason it has never worked. I didn’t want to acknowledge that at the core my health was at stake.

This past year I have faced some hard truths; truths about my physical health and my mental health. Here they are:

My weight is no longer just a superficial issue.

I have wanted to be “skinny” for as long as I can remember. Now I don’t even know what that means but I wanted it. This year I had to face the fact that I was putting myself at risk for some many other problems. I was hit hard in the face when a doctor put me on cholesterol medication. I’m 26 freaking years old. That is not okay

Injuries happen and I need to start look for alternatives

Ever torn your meniscus…hurts like hell doesn’t it. Well that problem plus some already existing arthritis meant that running was going to have to take a back seat for me. I had to find new ways to work out. I don’t like change. Ask anyone who knows me.

Mental health and physical health are way more connected that I wanted to acknowledge

Have you ever felt guilty for feeling bad? I sure as hell have. This year I had to acknowledge a real truth. I have anxiety disorder….like a lot. It is okay to not be okay regardless of how much better you think you have it that someone else. What does my weird brain have to do with my body? Well kids, emotional eating is a real thing. Trust me. Self sabotage due to emotional eating…super real. Finding new ways to deal with my anxiety became really important to my physical health. To be honest…still kind of working on this one.

I have to take care of me

Anyone who has met me or my family will get this one. You need help…I’ve got you. You need an escape….chick flicks and wine. You’re new here and don’t know anyone….welcome to the family, you’ve been adopted and no you don’t have a choice.  This need to care for those around me gets amplified at work. My students are my world, they are my kids and taking care of them is super important to me. I put some much pressure on myself to care for them that I literally made myself sick this year. It took a wake up call from my mom to fix it. I can’t take care of anyone if I’m not taking care of me.

I have to embark on a journey for only one reason…

This one was probably the biggest one for me. The only way anything is truly going to change and actually stick is if I decided to do it simply because I want to do it. For the first time in my life my decision to make a change is simply that…MINE.

I have a few goals now and I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken so far. I’ve joined a new gym that doesn’t give me a way to skip out. Plus I’m paying for it I am not wasting that money away. (*teacher’s salary cough*) I signed up for my first triathlon. It is time to stop being so stubborn about running. I got a road bike (his name is Zazu). I ate kale and tried some veggie burgers…not actually that bad. Don’t get me wrong, this is just the beginning. I’ve got a long way to go. The difference is…this time I’m excited about it.

Welcome to my journey…its gonna be a rollercoaster.